It was, to me, a profoundly moving moment. I watched her face move from sorrow to devastation to tears she just could not hold back and I was shocked that her words almost didn’t even seem to reflect her emotions.
Sobbing, she said, “Please don’t leave me alone. Please reach out to me. I’m just really scared that I’ll always be alone.” My heart was breaking for her but simultaneously I was filled with awe and wonder. This girl was doing something I had never, ever done before: in all my years of isolation, anxiety, depression, and loneliness, never once had I been brave enough to ask people to reach out to me. I was afraid of rejection. I believed that no one saw me, wanted me, or cared enough to care about me. Now in this moment, I was absolutely in awe of the strength and courage that she showed in her fear and vulnerability.
She taught me that it’s always ok to ask for help. I’ve recognized that the main fear that holds me back from asking is others’ reactions to my need. “How can you be so stupid as to not already know this?” are the lies that swim around in my head. “You’re better off Googling the answer and figuring it out for yourself. Spare yourself the embarrassment of their reaction.” Or perhaps ask anyway and the relationship that that invites opens the door to all kinds of possibility! Maybe you’ll create an inside joke or stumble on something awesome that you never knew you had in common with the other.
I remind my little preschoolers a million times a day to use their words. I wonder how much my life could change for the better if I practice what I preach? The art of communication can be so daunting — right? — but art invites creativity. Fear is suffocating and crippling. Mold thrives in darkness but shrinks away in the light.
As I watched her tears stream down her face, I thought how beautiful it is that she was fighting against despair. Her words and her tears showed that she had no intention of living in the darkness. And let me say this: I don’t think it’s an accident that tears are shaped like seeds. Allow them, give them the proper care, and watch them blossom into the seemingly impossible, beautiful reality of what God intended them to be.
