Brave.
In February, I suffered a panic attack on Valentine's Day but, despite my great reluctance, did life anyway the very next day.
In March I began attending a 12 Step Christian support group. The first time I went, I was so scared that I had to take my emergency meds to calm down... now it's been 9 months!
In April, knowing my newly diagnosed allergy to mold could possibly cause a panic attack at my parent's Church, I attended the Easter Triduum solo for the first time at a neighboring Church.
In May, I learned that several coworkers were leaving and I knew that my job title would change which was both terrifying and exciting.
In June, I began hiking most every weekend with a new small group of friends and we so enjoyed getting to know each other better.
In July, the Summer's heat and humidity triggered my anxiety almost every day but I still made myself do life and hydrated as much as possible.
In August, I celebrated my birthday with friends, old and new, at a party hosted by a good friend. My goal was to have fun and meet people and she invited people I'd never met before. By the night's end, everyone expressed how glad they were that they'd come.
In September, I moved out of my parents home and it really didn't take me too long to settle into my new home nestled in the woods by a lake with some of our longtime family friends. Less than a week after I moved, my letter was published on The Catholic Woman blog and I published a follow-up post on my blog about my experience of being suicidal. The latter is now the second most-read post on this little blog with more than 200 views; I don't expect to ever find out how many people read my letter but traffic to my social media accounts increased after its publication and I continue to receive messages from readers who are sharing their hearts with me and asking questions of my story regarding their own stories.
In October, I went on my very first airplane and enjoyed a trip to Colorado with my family.
In November, I joined a cast with my violin and rehearsed for a holiday show.
In December, the show opened, was immense fun and I loved and enjoyed every moment of it. It was especially wonderful to meet and greet people after the show and realize how many of them were people I've met since doing my last show. I love that I spent so much time this year branching out and building a great network of friends both new and old!
I'm not letting go of or burying "Brave"; if anything, I think I've started a new trend for myself! And my new word for 2020:
Rhythm.
I'm inspired by a song lyric from Carrie Underwood (which I think can be beautifully spiritualized), "Dancing to the rhythm of [His] heartbeat", and a quote from Ann Voskamp, "The fastest way to joy is slow".
I told my friend sitting opposite of me at the table that the first thing I'm doing is easing myself off most of my social media accounts. I've already closed my Instagram account and hope to be off Facebook in the next 6 months. I encourage those who wish to continue following my blog to subscribe via email on the righthand side underneath my picture.
Getting off social media is honestly a long time in the coming and, though I'm sad to not see updates from many of the incredible people I've been following for years, I'm excited for the year ahead and to be more and more invested in real life.
I told my friend sitting opposite of me at the table that the first thing I'm doing is easing myself off most of my social media accounts. I've already closed my Instagram account and hope to be off Facebook in the next 6 months. I encourage those who wish to continue following my blog to subscribe via email on the righthand side underneath my picture.
Getting off social media is honestly a long time in the coming and, though I'm sad to not see updates from many of the incredible people I've been following for years, I'm excited for the year ahead and to be more and more invested in real life.
Lord, find me grateful!
