Disclaimer: this post is not about the rosary.
I sometimes experience nights when falling asleep is the most stressful thing I've done all day. I'm literally lying there in bed trying to relax when the racing heartbeat comes and my mind starts telling me that I've forgotten how to fall asleep and then I get more anxious because I'm worried about getting enough sleep and hitting snooze in the morning because I didn't sleep well, but then being on time to work... and all the things.
Recently, I had the worst time trying to fall asleep which was surprising to me considering how tired I had been that day. I was feeling increasingly stressed so I got up, took my meds, got back in bed and began praying one of my favorite go-to prayers: "Come, Jesus, come!" (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2666).
I then did small exercises to help my body relax (tensing every muscle from feet to head for a few seconds, then relaxing). As I relaxed a bit, I let my mind drift to entertaining thoughts about Jesus. Specifically, I thought about the end of John's Gospel when Jesus makes breakfast for the Apostles on the beach. And for what was probably the first time in my life, I wondered how long Jesus had been there on the beach waiting for them.
Did he just show up, snap his fingers and everything was ready or did he get there early and prepare the same way any of us would have?
I entertained the latter thought. I put myself there in the scene with Jesus. And it was so relaxing and fulfilling, you know, hanging out with Jesus in the early morning on the beach, helping him get breakfast ready for the others. I could almost feel the wind against my face and blowing through my hair. Through squinty eyes in the wind, I looked at Jesus. He had already been gazing at me, his face so calm and his eyes so full of love. What great joy there is in two people who love each other deeply offering themselves in service of other people...
The next thing I knew, my alarm was going off the following morning and it was time to get ready for work.
I love the little bit I've learned about Ignatian prayer but I don't know that I'd ever experienced a moment of prayer that was as real as this was. It reminded me -- again -- of just how well Jesus knows my heart and how much he loves me. We could have been hiking or on a mountaintop, on a boat, out for a walk, or in any one of the parables or other bible stories. But we were on the beach in the early morning working together to prepare a meal for our closest friends. These are all things that are so dear to my heart -- and I can't even begin to comprehend how dear I am to His!
