My First Airplane Experience was...

… terrific!

The lodge where we stayed. Makes me dream of the Sound of Music!

We'd been planning this trip to Colorado to visit my sister for almost 2 years and I'm still not sure that I can actually believe that it really happened. Two years ago, I was still in the very earliest stages of recovery after my mental breakdown and the prospect of getting on an airplane (something I'd never done before) seemed literally impossible to me. In fact, I was pretty sure that my family -- if this really happened -- would simply go without me. And I was more or less ok with that at the time.

You may remember this post about how Eleanor Roosevelt helped form my approach to anxiety in which I used my real-life fear of airplanes as an analogy for finding freedom; I linked to it in my most recent post in which I announced that one of my top goals for this blog (namely, to write a post about the first time I went flying) was about to come to fruition. For context, I've pretty much always had a fear of flying and absolutely no experience with it. Forms of transportation such as driving and the DC metro stress me out regularly so I figured that something grand and adventurous like airports and airplanes would be the death of me.

Then my breakdown happened and life seemed literally impossible (you probably know that I just wanted to end it all). But then, as I sat in that "dentist" chair receiving TMS therapy (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) for mental illness, my eyes almost constantly wandered to that poster on the door with that quote from Eleanor Roosevelt -- "You must do the thing you think you cannot do" -- and I could not shake the image of me in an airplane (sans destination. The important part was airports and airplanes).

In short, my perceived inability to do airports (which was about 90% of my fear) was a huge obstacle in my life.

My younger sister flew out to Colorado several days before the rest of us and she kindly sent me play-by-play videos of as much as she could of her airport experience. That was incredibly helpful. But the pearl of wisdom from her that helped me the most was the text message that told me that airports are simpler than the metro. I can't even express the amount of anxiety that left me when I read that. And I found it to be entirely true.

Sunrise behind us flying West; hiking with our nephew to build a snowman; view from the lodge

As far as 9/11 was concerned, I really didn't struggle with a fear of death or catastrophe. If the thought crossed my mind, I simply reminded myself that there have been many, many more successful and safe flights and people hop on airplanes to just about anywhere all the time. I also have a favorite quote from the movie Sully that I was looking forward to discovering for myself. Early in the movie, Sully and his co-pilot are in the cockpit. Just as they're getting to cruising height and before the bird strike, Sully sighs, taking in the beauty of the day and the sight of the Hudson River, saying "Life is so much simpler up here," and his co-pilot contentedly agrees. I've never flown an airplane before and don't ever expect to, but I think I now know the feeling they experience.

The only part that I didn't like much  (I'd call it the most frustrating part of the whole experience -- more so than the kid sitting behind me on the first flight who would occasionally kick the back of my seat) was looking down at the ground and having absolutely no idea what State we were flying over.

We hiked a mountain, built a snowman, then hiked back

My favorite part? I'm no extrovert but I love people and learning about their creative sides. One of the things that got me through the airport experiences was observing all the systems in action (which also helped me to stay in the moment and not worry about the next step). From checking bags and not seeing them again until baggage claim (someone had to think of that idea and create a system) to why on earth anyone would want a job that I cannot understand desiring (TSA people... God bless you!), it just fascinated me to see the fruits of others' creative geniuses.

I love seeing and meeting new people because I'm so curious about their life story up to the point where our paths cross and, of course, beyond.

At our terminal, watching the plane leave before our own arrived to take us back to Virginia

I was especially grateful to the pilots and flight attendants who were so incredibly friendly (my 2 year old nephew was crying for his dinner as we boarded our flight home and one of the attendants said that she'd be crying, too, if someone were delaying her dinner) and I wondered about their lives, too. I'm curious about where they woke up in the morning, where they'll sleep and how long they've been away from their loved ones. Not one of them gave me the impression that they'd rather have a different job or that they were having a bad day (I understand that that is professional but humor me, please). It was incredible to be in the care of such kind people... and I think I can now understand the desire to be a flight attendant (but, no, I will not be switching jobs).

Overall, an experience I'm very glad to have had. In fact, the writing of this post now seems somewhat trivial. Nonetheless, I'm very proud of myself for doing something I thought I couldn't do and I look forward to my life becoming even more unrecognizable in the future.

Lord, find me grateful!