Fly a Little Higher: The Story of Zach Sobiech

Zach's story will never cease to inspire me. Every time I listen to his music, watch his videos, or read the book that his mom wrote about him posthumously, I cry and am filled with inspiration for how to live my own life more fully. I recently watched a new movie called "Clouds" which is about Zach's life and is based on the book his mother wrote, titled "Fly a Little Higher".

Zach Sobiech wanted to be remembered as the kid who went down fighting osteosarcoma cancer and died at age 18... but didn't really lose. His inspiration still lives today not because he's a kid who died of cancer but because of the way in which he chose to live his final days. I struggle with mental illness on a daily basis and if I am asked what advice I would give to someone who shares my struggles, I would take inspiration from Zach. He said the following in his "My Last Days" video on YouTube: "I just want everyone to know: you don't have to wait to find out you're dying to start living."

I first learned of Zach Sobiech when my sister told me that a musician had died the day before. A musician myself, I was immediately curious and looked up whatever I could find about Zach. As a devout Catholic myself who has a surprising amount of experience with grief for my age, I figured out when his funeral was, figured out the time difference from Minnesota to Virginia, and was praying for them during his funeral. When his mom's book, Fly a Little Higher, came out, they somehow found the blog that I was writing at the time (a different one from this one) and contacted me, asking if they could send me a free copy of the book in exchange for a review on my blog. Of course, I said yes, received the book in the mail, read it and cried. I don't cry easily, but this time the tears blinded my eyes and I couldn't even see the page let alone read the words. I had never met the family and had never been to Minnesota, but this story was stunningly beautiful.

Now it's 2020, seven years following Zach's death. The world is facing an unprecedented pandemic. I was among the many who lost their jobs though my experience was, perhaps, far less stressful with the knowledge of a guaranteed job back. While unemployed, I had a daily babysitting job with a family from my school's community - two adorable identical twin boys. Though I know them very well now, for almost a month, the only way I could tell them apart was by the freckle on the left cheek of one. Many, many times while driving to the twins' home, I listened to Clouds on Spotify - Zach's hit song. I've never met the family, though I do have that small connection with them, and I continually find encouragement in Zach's message to fly a little higher.

And so, while hanging out with a friend recently, we were browsing Disney + looking for something to watch and I noticed a movie called "Clouds". I asked my friend about it, crossing my fingers that it would be about Zach and -- sure enough -- it was! We got our tissues ready and sat back, eager to be inspired. Come to find out that this movie was released only 8 days prior and that, following its release, Zach's hit song "Clouds" hit the iTunes song chart at the #1 spot a second time, 7 years after his death!

I've overcome major depression and I'm learning, every day, to live well with clinical anxiety. Depression feels like death and anxiety makes you think that you're going to die. Encouraged by Zach's words, I just want everyone to know that you don't have to wait to feel like you're dying to start living. You are strong and brave and you can do this, living just one day at a time, one moment at a time, and accepting hardships as a pathway to peace. Jesus came that you might have life and have it abundantly; I believe that, walking together, we can all live this reality.

Zach inspires me to reach for the clouds, to fly a little higher, to see the good in every individual and rejoice in the gift of another day of life. I encourage you to listen to the song, watch his My Last Days and My Last Days (A Year Later) videos on YouTube, read the book and watch the movie. Let this weird, joyful goof of a guy make you smile, laugh and cry. Let him teach you a little more about an abundant life. Let him surprise you with joy. 

I'm no longer able to allow comments on individual posts but you are welcome to email me your thoughts. I look forward to hearing from you! Keep your heart up!

SARAHFIDDL3R@GMAIL.COM

Grieving a Loved One Who has Completed Suicide

After my letter was published, I received many messages from readers, several with some really hard questions. With the holidays approaching, I thought it might be a good time to share one of them in particular, one that was about grieving a loved one who had completed suicide.

I want to be very clear here and say first that I've never known someone personally who has completed suicide. I know people who have stopped themselves from attempting, people who have died from accidental overdoses, people who have been killed in line of duty and people who have died naturally. I do know what it's like to be suicidal and so my answer to this question comes from my experiences of coping with my own mental illness as well as my experiences with grief.

This dear reader shared with me that the hardest part for her about grieving a loved one who has completed suicide is struggling with all of the "What if I had known?" questions.

I want you to know, dear reader, that gentleness and kindness are both fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians chapter 5). Perhaps you're in turmoil right now and that's completely understandable; I really encourage you to pray and ask the Holy Spirit for an increase of gentleness and kindness with yourself in your own life.

There's truly no need to be hard on yourself over the "What if" and "If I had only known" questions - being hard on yourself is not a fruit of the Holy Spirit. You did the best you could with the information that you had. Now you have a beautiful opportunity to grow closer to Jesus and Mary who both knew the anguish of grief so very, very deeply.

Allow them into your suffering. It oftentimes helps me to ponder a story of Jesus from the Bible and to stand there in the story, with Mary by my side (regardless of whether or not Scripture says she was actually there). Let Mary share her heart with you as you gaze upon Jesus. Let her wrap her arms around you at the foot of the Cross. She knows the heart of her Son better than anyone and she knows your heart, too.

Know that you are so loved by a God who is bigger than mental illness, bigger than the questions and fears, and who has already conquered death.