This time, it began in February 2019. I’d been blindsided by a panic attack while at work and turned to my phone as a mental distraction, telling myself that it was a “coping skill”. Oh, what a lie that was! But I didn’t challenge myself on it. Instead, I picked up my phone with increasing frequency and slowly but surely began experiencing daily headaches, restlessness, and even some guilt and shame.
When I finally realized how many months had passed, I felt worse but, simultaneously, I knew it was time and I was ready for a change. I know what life is like without a phone addiction and I wanted that freedom again. I didn’t and don’t think I’m called to cold turkey my presence on social media but I believed that I could learn to figure out a healthy balance. The primary ingredient, I believed, was self-discipline and, if I want to be completely satisfied and fulfilled by Jesus both here and hopefully someday in Heaven, then the struggle to get there is completely, totally and utterly worth it (thank you, Jesus, for the great gift of redemptive suffering!). Motivated by my desire for Heaven, I listened to the first piece of advice given to me by my friend: take more walks.
I’m a firm believer that moving your body (i.e. exercise) is of paramount importance for anyone who struggles with mental illness. And the great news is that it doesn’t take much: taking walks around the block several times a week does wonders for clearing the mind and releasing endorphins. If, like me, this is less likely to happen for you when the temperatures are cooler, consider a monthly gym membership with access to a pool or treadmill or anything else simple that you might discover you enjoy. That’s my personal goal for this Winter!
After a couple of weeks of taking more walks, I visited our local Catholic bookstore to pick up Bible Index Tabs. Those little things are so handy and I don’t mind putting them on, so I have for several of my friends’ bibles in addition to my own! Since I was there, I of course took the time to browse the bookshelves. The title that I would never have been looking for but which was only too relevant that nearly jumped off the shelf into my hands when I saw it was this: Detached: Put Your Phone in Its Place. Someone wrote a book about this? And it’s in a Catholic bookstore? After I briefly skimmed it, I decided to make the purchase.
I have enjoyed it so much more than I expected to! It’s written as a 21 day retreat so it has a goal or reflection to do every day and each day is only 2 or 3 pages long. At the very beginning, the author asks you to think about this book as a little retreat and even write down the names of the people for whom you want to offer up this retreat. Redemptive Suffering is so real and so beautiful and the author knows that overcoming any addiction and reworking one’s priorities is hard work that’s worth offering up. Beyond that, it took me a few days to really get into it, but once I saw that it quotes St. Thomas Aquinas, studies the Our Father and offers practical tips for helping you to prioritize your overall health and happiness above your phone use with the intention of using your phone less and better, I really loved it and began utilizing its advice in my own life. It challenges your priorities and gives suggestions of practical ways you can remind yourself of your priorities when you find yourself reaching for your phone. I can tell that this book has already helped me because I’m feeling better and am happier. I don’t get headaches every day anymore, there aren’t as many Amazon or other packages showing up on my front doorstep, I suddenly have more time to enjoy my musical instruments and the time that I spend with my family and friends is notably more enjoyable. Having said all of that, it seems so ridiculous to think how much time I gave to my phone. What a difference it makes to name the struggle and ask for help!
Speaking of asking for help, I’m further encouraged and motivated by devotion to Our Lady. When Our Lady appeared to St. Catherine Laboure and gave her the Miraculous Medal, Mary said nothing but Catherine heard these words: “The ball which you see represents the world, especially France, and each person in particular. These rays symbolize the graces I shed upon those who ask for them. The jewels which give no rays symbolize the graces that are not given because they are not asked for.” Indeed, on Calvary, Mary’s Heart was pierced with a sword, as Simeon had fortold (cf. Luke 2:35). But her pierced Heart is different from that of her Son’s; when Jesus’ Sacred Heart was pierced, it became a Fountain of Mercy, the source of Mercy. When Mary’s Immaculate Heart was pierced, it became an instrument of grace that opens hearts to receive God’s mercy.
For as long as you and I own phones, we’ll be struggling to find the appropriate balance of phone use vs real life. It’ll probably differ a little bit from day to day depending on season, family, work, travel, etc. but I know it’s possible. With the help of God’s grace and the intercession of Our Blessed Mother and our Guardian Angels, all things are!
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For more information on Marian devotion as cited in this post, please see:
33 Days to Merciful Love (Fr. Michael Gaitley) and
Hey friends! Thanks for being here and reading along with my pursuit of an abundant life (cf John 10:10)! I’m excited to share that my story with mental illness, written in the form of a letter for the blog The Catholic Woman and their series Letters to Women, will be published there on September 25. Please join me in praying for the letter and for everyone who will read it. When it is published, I need your help! I hope that this letter reaches many hearts but I can’t do that by myself. Please share my letter when it is published. Sometimes what people won’t hear from their family members they will from someone else. This story isn’t so much about mental illness as it is about God’s love and mercy and how I came to find my home in his heart.
As always, I’m also over on Instagram and I enjoy connecting with you there! @sarahloutherese.
God bless, and keep your heart up!
